Wayne the Pain?

Re: Daily Mail article 22/03/11

‘Capello wants to unleash Rooney AND Carroll against Wales’

Fabio Capello, like many an impressionable lady before him, seems to love a bad boy; where Ulrika Jonsson had Stan Collymore, he has John Terry. Where the talented yet demented Whitney Houston had Bobby Brown, Fab apparently covets the emerging caveman figure of Andy Carroll. Undoubtedly, he is a gifted young footballer, but my question is this: is the Carroll/Rooney partnership the best big man/little man partnership we have leading into the Euros next summer? Or is it a mere shadow upon the Heskey/Owen partnership which preceded it a decade before?

Capello is eager to start the two together in this weekend’s upcoming qualifier against the Welsh. However, he will be choosing in Rooney a player who, despite his technical brilliance, has been more interested over the last 12 months in bedding women who look almost as troll-like as him. His scoring statistics this season in the mighty red of Man. Utd are as follows: 26 games played, 9 goals; a dismal 7 in the Premier League. Contrast that with last season (42 games, 34 goals), and the problem becomes all too apparent. But it’s the manner in which he’s played that’s so troubling! For a man who prides himself on aggression, exquisite touch and fierce hunger to win at any cost, he has often looked lethargic and one step off the pace just as Fernando Torres has since joining Chelsea. The argument is, of course, that Rooney is reliable in pressure situations (despite looking well into his 30s, he’s only 25 remember). Nonetheless, who can forget the tired and predictable performances he turned in during South Africa 2010; think less of an English lion, and more of a Scouse kitten. Rooney, despite popular protestations to the contrary, doesn’t always deliver the goods when it matters.

Carroll has worn the £35 million price tag on his broad shoulders pretty well since moving to Liverpool. Although he’s barely been able to play and made less of an impression than his strike partner Luis Suarez (a great addition to the Prem), the Geordie looked excellent when he played most of the game against Sunderland. His touch was vastly better than Rooney’s has been of late, and his eagerness to please borders on the comical at times (like a dog chasing its own tail), but the man is deceptively agile. Of course, he has also courted seediness in the same way his new strike partner has, but he looks less like a balding Gremlin than Rooney, so we’ll forgive him for that.

However, I propose this as the better solution; start Carroll, yes. He looks surprisingly sharp after coming back from the thigh injury that plagued him. Cast Rooney to the bench in favour of the one English striker this season that has consistently scored, also without the help of a top four team behind him: Darren Bent. I know his scoring rate has slowed down as of late, his effectiveness in the past for England has been questionable, bla bla etc. etc.

Bent is the most natural goalscorer in the box since Michael Owen could actually kick a ball without making an arse of himself. He possesses true pace, instinctive finishing and works harder for the team than he used to. His ability to handle the pressure has improved since leaving Tottenham, where he was unappreciated and underutilised. Bent runs the risk of being the next Andy Cole: a highly effective club striker who never made the grade at international level; now is his time. He has probably peaked at this age (27). Give the guy a chance Fabio!

I don’t propose Carroll/Bent as the next Shearer/Sheringham or anything like that; nevertheless, as a temporary solution, it beats the big man/ugly ogre combo of Carroll/Rooney.

Do you think Carroll/Rooney is the next strike partnership for England? What would be your team selection for Saturday? If you have any other thoughts and opinions about issues leading up to the match, e.g. Terry the wanker back as captain, leave your opinions here or tweet me at: www.twitter.com/highlystrungyng

Cheers petals. x